I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
