sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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