He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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