i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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