I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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