Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
it glows. i had to have it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
