the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
