Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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