just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
