I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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