what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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