based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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