just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
