Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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