All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
