Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
