Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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