I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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