she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
