where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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