I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
