I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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