haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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