i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Less talking, more tequila
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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