so let's talk penis.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
