3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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