whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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