Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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