Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
