we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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