Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
