Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
