Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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