Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
