My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
