Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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