I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
