I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
