You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
