You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's blow job season.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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