don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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