Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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