that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Four minutes until I can fart!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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