Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
