I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
