I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
