He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Still dying that you shit outside
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize