I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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