Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
did i walk over a car last night?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
