Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There r osticjed everywhere
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
