how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
