I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We have started to decorate penises.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
