Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
