You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
