some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
