I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
