If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
