I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
