What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
