I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
