Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
