I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
