he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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