I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
