I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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