i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
