all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
