I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
