I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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