There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woke up backwards on a recliner
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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