One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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