i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
