I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
