I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
