Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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