you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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