her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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